I grew up with a strange mix of values. My parents split up and me and my sisters were raised by our mom while my brothers grew up with our dad. Times were very hard for us as my immigrant mother had trouble finding work and the welfare we received wasn’t enough. We often approached the end of the month with no food in the house.

Those days taught me so much about life and how one must be responsible for their own decisions. My father opted out of paying the court ordered child support, and back then there was no legal remedy for my mom except to continual drag him into court. But with no money to pay a lawyer, she just had to make do. He was comfortable knowing his children went hungry. A decision he had no choice but to own.

My mom was deeply rooted in her heritage. The lessons she passed down, by word and deed, struck such a deep chord in me. Those traditions still very much inform the decisions I make on a daily basis. One of the most valuable to my life experience is Kapwa. The Filipino ideal that serving others serves yourself. Owning the inter-connectedness between others and self.

Many people see Filipinos as people pleasers. We are known for our hospitality and warmth. Many don’t understand that the sharing of food isn’t just our love language, it is a fundamental building block of our culture. Non-Filipinos don’t realize that we offer food because we have already prepared it for ourselves.

I have taken that sense of unity and try to channel that energy into my daily interactions. It cost me nothing to be aware and in tune with the moments of my life. Because that is where the giving starts. Seeing what is in front of me and not hoping for something better around the corner.

Everybody needs something. That starts with being seen. With having the space to be themselves. Growing up non-white in a white world, raised by an indefatigable single mom of color, I learned that most valuable lesson of taking space and owning it. My rich Filipino background encourages me to share that space.

It is self-pleasing to be people pleasing because when one is lifted, we are all lifted.