My friend loved her father. She loved him very much. She picked up and moved hundreds of miles just to get the opportunity to prove her value. She made decisions based on his standards. He took up a large swath of space in her heart and mind. She gave him a mile, he gave her an inch.

He had left his family before she was even aware of what family was. My friend carried his last name, the one thing he could never take back, like the weight of his world was on her shoulders. Her heart, heavy in her chest, would beat to his dance, moving to the unnatural rhythm of someone else’s desires. The end of the day found her with her body curled around her chest, trying the protect a heart that was being attacked from within.

Then there were the days when she was who she was. Backbone ramrod straight, her step solid and sure. A smile that would grow from the depth of her soul and light up the world. Her eyes were alive with the fire of her own truth while her natural grace lifted her, floating her above the ground.

She could never stay up there very long. Getting his much needed attention was too much of a definer, in both approach and action. She willfully stepped back in to the darkness of want, trying to be the new shiny thing.

She couldn’t understand that she was never going to be enough of anything but trouble to this man who used love like the proverbial carrot to the stick. His dim and limited view of how he wanted his world to move was never going to provide enough light and space for her to be who she was.

To fit into his imperceptible heart, she had to contort her heart into thin shallow pieces that mirrored his own. But fullness of her own heart and mind was in direct contrast to his trifling way of life. The only way she could squeeze into his presence was to allow herself to be fractured, to be sliced, diced, and rendered.

In the end, after he had stripped her of sense of self, he left her flailing in the wind, like a rag drying on a line. The ends frayed and a body without substance. She struggled to recapture the power and strength of the sun, only to have his cold darkness retake its hold from beyond the depths.