My childhood wasn’t exactly the things that dreams are made of. There are many upsides to growing up with a lot of siblings. I learned how to wait, how to share, how to trust and how to fit in. There are also downsides. It was easy to get lost in the crowd, sometimes there wasn’t enough of anything. Space to be, food, attention.

My mother was an amzing woman who dealt with lifelong effects of surviving WWII as a child in The Philippines, physical, mental and emotional. She was at times distant, at times clingy, always inconsistent and fiery.

There were other childhood situations that left me feeling less than whole. Events that caused me to fracture my being in order to create a safe space to exist. I leaned into the darkness of spirit and set myself for a long, perhaps lifelong, stay.

My fortune changed with a series of goodness and light beings entering, and affecting, my life. I first met Manhattan as a nameless pup. He was vibrant and had his own place in the world. And taught me how gentleness can be an overwhelming force for good.

Then their was Malaki. A pound puppy who just wanted to live his life in safety and security. Overlooked because of the color of his coat, he had faith that all it was going to take was some kindness to find his stride. In his own sense of security, he saved my life when the darkess in my soul became the reality in my life. Because I survived I was able to move on, move forward.

Then, a bluenose pitbull found his way into my life and deeper into my heart. Tupac, the thoughtful pitbull. Through him I found safety. Not something I had to provide for myself, but something that could be offered from the outside in. It is only in safety that one can feel the freedom to be all that they are.

Today, I am thriving. I have found my place in my world. A world of music, art and writing. I still know the darkness exists on its own plain. But that is no longer where I go when I hurt. My guides to who I am today have all passed on, but I know they can still me, can still watch me, can still teach me.