My life path has gone through many phases. It began in darkness with small flickers of light that kept me moving forward. The proverbial carrot on a stick. The trick was to figure out how to move toward the light without and not extinguish the flame with my forward momentum. In other words, I had to learn how to measure my movement, my desire and my actual presence.

Much of my movement has been done without the benefit of, or detraction from, guides. Coming into my world in the darkness of despair, I often choose to skirt the edges of the light I was so mesmerized by. I wanted to be bathed in it, but at the same time I felt the exposure would inhibit my true growth.

I eventually learned how to dance between the two energies. I could jump back and forth at will for the most part, but I generally tried to straddle the line and just lean one way or the other.

But then, every once in a while, something would happen, and I could feel myself being pushed, not just back into the darkness, but beyond it. Pushed into the abyss. A black hole, devoid of air, an erasure of my essence.

Not only was it a struggle to return to the light, but it was also difficult to even find. Any luminescence was unseen, unseeable. But life had taught me a most important lesson. When trying to escape the dark, close your eyes and let your heart lead the way.

The darkness doesn’t just exist. It emanates from somewhere. Finding the source is important step in learning how to use it. Discovering the center is to discover the advantage of being its master. And control of the darkness is the guard to being triggered.

The memories of trauma will always exist. But they become a thing that happened and not the thing that defines you. True control opens the door of empathy without getting lost in the pain of others.