This is the final installment of this short series. This was a labor of gratitude. A way to honor a life that had had given me so much. The truest form of honor is to be what my life lessons had taught me to be, her life lessons as they impacted my own. To be authentic and self determined.

I am my mothers youngest daughter, the proverbial albatross around her neck. But it was through the distance she created that I was able to see her for the woman she was without the layers of disappointment and unique pain she brought to the lives of my older siblings. Her impact on me was no less felt. The long road to her that was my life was filled with the lessons I had to learn to be authentic and self determined.

She made so much with so little. She carried her charisma and vibrancy as easily as she carried her pain and sorrows. And walked the fine line of balance between the dark and light of her life. Watching her day after day, experiencing her power in every minute in her presence was an inspiration to always move forward. To not be stilled but by my own choice.

My life, the one given to me, was so different from one I made. In that way, my mother and I are similar. But, while her life began in the light and burrowed into darkness and she struggled to take it back into the light, mine ran in the singularly opposite direction.

I struggle with keeping the darkness at bay. My comfort zone is the cold gloominess of isolation. Living life just beyond the reach of light. But there is no movement in the dark. No growth. Everything remained motionless for fear of getting too close.

But I haven’t stopped trying.